Feeling unhealthy

It's easy for this journey to be deemed a success or failure based on the scales alone. But this week I have realised that not only am I putting on weight, but I'm also starting to feel unhealthy.

My posts have been few and far between for the last 4 or 5 months. Possibly the best explanation for this is that I'm feeling like a bit of a ww fraud. I have had a few weeks here and there were the drive to get back on track is strong and fulfilling, but mostly I have put back on any weight I've lost a few weeks later. I've been desperately hoping the motivation will come back, but so far it hasn't.

Today I feel lethargic, depressed, flat, heavy and tired. My skin looks crap, my body fat percentage is about 30% (right on the borderline for women), and I kinda wobble on my tummy, butt and legs when I walk. I just don't feel right.

Part of my initial success on this weightloss journey was due to the 'high' I felt when I knew I had done all the right things - I could literally tell if I had lost or not based on how I felt at the end of the week before I weighed in. I used to enjoy my walks and get a bit irritated if I missed them for a day or too. I used to have a lot more energy and a lot of drive. I miss all this.

I sometimes manage to convince myself that my lifestyle has changed enough not to allow me the liberty of being as selfish as I was during that first year. I was single, I was living with strangers, I didn't have to consider anyone but myself. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I worked 8:30 - 5:30 - my routines were focused around losing the lard. 2002 was MY year.

I need a new strategy. I need to turn all the changes that have occurred into a mechanism for getting back into shape and feeling healthy and positive again.

I'm working on it. Yesterday I went for a walk. I stepped on the scales and weighed myself: 66.1kg, 30% body fat. I need to improve both of these figures through sensible eating and regular exercise, not binge-dieting and late nights.

But knowing what to do, and actually actioning on this knowledge are two different things entirely.

I'll keep you posted!

My mum read my blog ...

EDIT: I've removed the post - forgot I could do that!

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I'm very embarrassed. That's all that needs to be said. I will not be posting about my sex life again LOL.

Gals, I'll be back on the band wagon soon. I'm trying to sort a few things out at the moment, but I hope the bloggers lunch went well and that you are all powering along.



P.S Ma. I know you are reading. Try to block it all out of your head. And don't tell Dad!!