Itching to blog...

Warning - Self Indulgent Post

When I was in high school, I kept a journal and wrote in it everyday, sometimes several times. My journal became my best friend, the most precious thing I owned because it housed "the real me". Occasionally there were days where I was so overwhelmed with all the stuff in my head, I felt like I would literally burst if I didn't write them down immediately. As a result, I had many days where I stickytaped bits of paper into my journal after having been scrawling instead of doing my maths. By about yr 11 at school, I had transferred a lot of my journal energy into writing letters to internet pen friends. I merged the two mediums and at one point all my letters were printed, deleted from the computer (at that stage we were sharing the family one) and then pasted back into the journal.

It's funny to think that now, I am writing directly to the internet and cementing thoughts online, sharing them with strangers.

Today is one of those days I'm itching to write things down. I am missing CB desperately this week, for no other reason other than I really want hugs today - he knows my moods better than anyone and understands that sometimes I just need to be close to him. He rang me a couple of hours back to tell me he's on the way to pick up my earrings. He's apparently not had a lot of sleep, the project is going well but the hours have been intense. I guess I know too, that he would ordinarily like to wind down after big days, but this is a big week for them and there will be no relaxing till Friday, so I am worrying about his stress levels etc.

I'm amazed at how differently I think now that there is someone else in my life. When I was single and living in sharehouses, I was extremely independent, and extremely selfish - I never dreamed that so much of my energy could ever be diverted to someone else. I also never thought I could feel so utterly committed and in love with someone that I would worry more about them than me. I suppose that it probably comes down to gender instincts but I'm concerned I should be concentrating on other things.

Sorry to get so personal in this post folks. Stuff in my head that I needed to purge!

I have spent a good part of today reading through tax legislation. Not much fun. I've seen an accountant, been to the ATO office and Sydney, and to the Super fund office. I've walked a bloody long way today! I have also kept to my points and provided I can keep on top of the craving I'm having at the moment (Badly wanting CLUB chocolate!!!), I will be on 18 pts again for the day which is good.

I'm having to re-think my tracking strategy now that I weigh in on Saturdays. I used to give myself the "night off" when I weighed in on Tuesdays and have a nice dinner and a treat like a choc bar or icecream without counting it. But that scheme isn't going to work since I have the whole day Saturday to deal with after weigh in. I'm thinking of maybe letting Saturday night, after 7 pm, be my relax night so that I have plenty of time to be good for the rest of the week.

I've just got an exciting email telling me that my best mates band (By the Sea) is going to be on FBi tomorrow night, from 10pm. They are performing live in the studio. I've thrilled for them to be getting the air time.

Well that's my bit for Tuesday. I'm working in the city for the rest of the week so may not have a lot of time to catch up on my blog reading but I hope you all have great weeks! I'm looking forward to the Saturday meeting. I sense my system is responding to my efforts of the last 2 days already, it feels great!